― Jack Handey, Deep Thoughts
“How come the dove gets to be the peace symbol? How about the pillow? It has more feathers than the dove, and it doesn't have that dangerous beak.”
― Jack Handey
“Whenever you read a good book, it’s like the author is right there in the room talking to you, which is why I don’t like to read good books.”
― Jack Handey
“I think a good scene in a movie would be where one scientist tells another scientist, "You know what will save the world? You're holding it in your hand."
And the other scientist looks, and in his hand are peanuts.
Then when he looks up, the first scientist is being taken away to the insane asylum.”
― Jack Handey
“To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.”
― Jack Handey
“In order to understand mankind, we must look at the word itself, "mank" and "ind".What do these words mean? Maybe we'll never know.”
― Jack Handey
“If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what really throws you into a panic.”
― Jack Handey
